Page 1587…
Happy Friday!
Only 6 more pages to go until the end of Book Six!
Hope you enjoy the suspense.
I’m not THRILLED with this page… as I wanted it to seem as if Niviene is being dragged under.
I didn’t want there to be water ripples as… technically she’s not affecting the water around her.
But… it may need it.
Anyways. I’m going to be at the SOUTHERN FESTIVAL OF BOOKS in NASHVILLE Today-Saturday-and Sunday!
If you’re in the area… come by! It’s small… you’ll find me (though I’m at Table 40 if you have a map)
Have a wonderful weekend!
Scott
yeah, I’m not sure how to show it, but some downward motion needs to be evident.
Oh now it’s a shark attack! -insert trombone- Duh dun, duuuhhhhhh dun, duhh dunn.
Scott, if you don’t mind a suggestion. In the third panel maybe have only a bit of her hand showing out of water, maybe at the wrist or just below it? that way it shows that she is being dragged down and it won’t affect the water. Just showing that bit of the hand and not just the empty pond will show that she was taken and the reflection in Nicole’s glasses show the pond is empty as well.
The water in general may just need to be different. With the regular waves and way it’s lit on this page, it kind of looks like she’s standing in a snowdrift or blue sandpit. Seems sharp and solid somehow.
Totally agree here. Two options I see:
1. Two words — THREE MIDDLE PANELS. It could show the progression from Niviene gasping to her face and arm stretching out of the water to nothingness.
2. Show it from Niviene’s perspective — it would be ULTRA COOL if the last panel was shown from UNDERWATER.
That’s it. I’m going for my Oscar.
My first thought was that she was pointing, but then I thought she was being pulled under. I agree with Scott M that the watter texture doesnt seem quite right.
In pannel 2, I think it would help if both her arms were reaching upwards, maybe with some motion blurr.
Pannel 3 would really benefit from some ripples, showing where she once stood.
Trombone!? Surely you mean cello?
I would suggest that the hand should be more open, when you get pulled back suddenly your hand will open up to try and catch onto something to stop yourself, it would not be leaning forward like that. On the other hand, she might be trying to make a grab for anything or anyone at the shoreline, since her hand being forward.
I would say, make the top panel a bit bigger so you can see Niv. Have her looking /downaround her in alarm as they are looking at the sword, then the gasp and arm out with a bit of blur to make it look like it’s jerking/waving. Third empty panel can be slimmer to compensate for bigger first panel. Same last panel.
Got to say, my first take on Niviene going under …
“She is faking it”
Maybe this is a two prong attack?
First Niviene and then Daniel and Nicole and Excalibur will be in the claws(??)of the Shadow wraiths!!!
Cello played by a trombone. Boo.
Good old Niviene. If Hitler had had her people skills, World War II would never have happened, but Germans would still consider spreading Nazi ideas a felony.
TWC report.
#5: 3,706
#6: 3,673 <= that's us, folks! Excellent job!
#7: 3,646
Just a few more votes a day to climb another step. Just a few less and we slide down. Vote, fellow Readers!
Normally if something is being sucked into water you would have a whirlpool (it doesn’t have to be spectacular – just look at your sink when you pull the plug). Now if water must be static it’s way harder to imply motion. Obviously don’t know the workings behind this force but maybe some light from under the water? That kind of lighting would give her face a more dramatic look and make it evident that there are forces at work. Or maybe use some particle effects? In cases like that especially think the whole motion through and pick the most interesting key frames to show.
No matter what manner of monster(s) jumps out of the bushes, just about anything will be an improvement over having to listen to the crab queen any longer.
Given the gasp and as quickly as she disappeared I got that she’d been pulled under. The implications of that are really bad. That’s a two-pronged assault going on there, and if their plans have been compromised Alex and Nastajia are likely to be ambushed as well.
Also? Another cliff-hanger Friday page. 😉
Maybe give a glimpse of what’s dragging her under? Or is that not possible with how the portal works?
Uh-oh, the magic user has just been taken out, that leaves only the tyro-warrior and the sage to face the onslaught of the Orc Horde! This doesn’t look good. Hope they make a lot of their saving rolls… 🙂
LOL!! You may have a point there. 🙂
Don’t worry Scott. It looks like she’s being dragged under. I got that right away.
As of my vote:
#5- 3,729
#6- 3,707 <= Us
#7- 3,655
We're getting farther ahead of #7 and we're gaining on #5!! 🙂 Keep it up Everyoone!!
I also thought she was pointing at something in the bushes…and I at first thought that she was disappearing into the water either because she knew she couldn’t fight that thing or because her magic was wearing thin (like it did when Felicity and Nicole got to see each other). I was able to figure out that she was pulled under before reading your notes to us, but mostly because of Dan’s reaction.
I kind of agree with Silverthorn74. If we got a glimpse of what was dragging her under…even if it just meant you saw a hand (or two) on her in the frame where she’s still visible.
I also agree with Scott M that the water looks a little solid. I’m guessing it’s breezy out, and that’s why the water is so choppy, but if it was calm, it would be easier to give the appearance of water (reflective…somewhat transparent).
Otherwise, I’m really loving what you’ve got going here! 🙂 Excellent tension!! (Though I suppose there won’t be as much tension when reading it in book form since we wouldn’t have to wait three days to turn to the next page. 😛 )
I got it because of the gasp, but i think a more natural reaction would be for her head to be falling back from the force of being dragged down.
I got from her “gasp” that she was being pulled under water. I love the twist, in that, we’re expecting danger from the woods, but instead it comes from under water. Nice.
I also have never realized that she doesn’t affect the water on this side. I wouldn’t have batted an eye if there had been a splash or whirlpool. She is coming from water, so the sea water from her own world could be thrown through the portal due to the struggle.
i agree, scott, that the page is not right as is – and i think you’ve got a lot of good suggestions on how to make it amazing and dramatic here from other readers. i don’t mind another day or two of this same page until you get it right!
on to the meat of the story of this page — nivienne is missing one key thing: if Daniel is King *and not Nivienne* then perhaps who rules Dreamland from within is his decision and not hers. Why should he leave Nicole and his life, when it’s clear to everyone what works best? Alex is doing a good job as his proxy – what’s the word for that? REGENT. Alex is Daniel’s regent – and it is Daniel’s decision at the end of the day. I think crabtree & redhair has just had too much time alone and it has given her tunnel vision.
Well, when they first used the pool, we could see just under the surface of the water, allowing Dan to see Nastajia. Perhaps something similar here, like seeing Niviene’s worried face just below the surface as she’s dragged down? Maybe an ominous claw or tentacle as well?
Hiya, Scott!
What day is it? Oh, that’s right, if is CLIFFHANGER FRIDAY! !!
🙂
Not only is she faking it, she probably planned all this, and led the creatures that hide in the bushes there. Now she needs to disappear, so they cannot call on her not helping out during the attack. That’s my take.
(Which means, Scott will discard this ^^ solution and select another one! 😉 )
Here’s my $0.02: one simple way to improve the feeling that she’s being dragged under, is to lean her backwards a bit more. Perhaps not so much submerged, but sorta like falling back into the water. It may not be the most accurate in terms of what actually happens, but it does convey the impression of sinking better than the current upright pose.
As of my vote:
#4: 4951
#5: 3813 <- that's us
#6: 3800 <- this is uncomfortably close! Better keep up with the voting so that we're a safe distance ahead!
I’ve only recently discovered this site, and I can only say wow! Spent the last 2 weeks trying to catch up every lunch break or in the evenings. Love the storyline, the pictures, love everything 🙂
Another option would be to have a shadow of Niviene under the water? With or without just a hand reaching out desperately?
Thank you. And welcome!
If I might suggest, if you want to keep the undisturbed water thing, maybe go with the second frame having a part of her hand still sticking out, so that you see she’s going down instead of disappearing in an instant.
And one more thing:
Why the (h)eitch does Dan look so HAPPY in panel one as he discovers that he is about to die horribly? (kudos to “Goblins”)
Saturday Morning:
No. 6: 4,024
No. 7: 4,011 (us!)
No. 8: 3,859
VOTE to reclaim no. 6!
Ha! I don’t pity her. She talks bad about Alexander and doesn’t even disclose the authority of her sources… Get her, Nightmare Realm!
You don’t meet many geeks every day, do you? 🙂 It’s glowing!
I’d be more worried about Niviene. There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world.
I would say the problem is her hair. There should be some rise in her hair to show the sudden downward motion.
If her other hand was out of the water, it might look more like surprise, not pointing.
Oh, good point!
Well. I wasn’t expecting that.
Water orcs!